I popped into Fortinos after church this morning to grab a few treats for myself. As I walked through the door,I immediately picked up on a frenzied, static vibe and quickly realized why.
The store was full of hurried and stressed shoppers picking up their all and sundries, for the big chow down tomorrow.
I took a deep breath and proceeded. It wasn't busy per se, but the frantic energy made it feel busier than it was.
As I meandered through the aisles at a decadently slow pace, I mused at how I too,was one of those frenzied shoppers at one time.I am not going to go on about how commercial, stressful and guilt laden all of these Hallmark Holidays have become. I believe deep down, everyone knows it; they simply don't have an alternative. As the saying goes, Nature abhors a vacuum. Most motivational speakers will tell you that before you give up something; you should know what you are going to replace it with. That's one way. Or, You can go cold turkey. Every pun intended.
This is a journal entry of mine which illustrates how I did just that.The impetus came from eldest son; who at the time was 11. Over the course of the week prior to Thanksgiving; he watched me try to organize a family dinner with my relatives.The logistics, geography and history of family dynamics; had always made previous attempts more than challenging.I tried yet again because I wanted my kids to have a Tradition encoded in their cellular memory bank.
As I sat in my favorite chair by the front living room window, very despondent and exhausted; he nuzzled up to me and gave me a pep talk. It pretty much boiled down to the fact that he understood why I was going to the trouble, but that it wasn't worth it if it was making me unhappy and stressed. We (him, brother and dad) are the only family that is important; he stated. Just focus on us, he said. And I did.
October 8 1996
Dear Katie,
In the event you should ever have to justify to your self why you are keeping your distance from your birth family, remember this.
You have no one to answer to but yourself. Your only priority and responsibility right now is to build a solid foundation for your family. You do not have to comply to the should's , have to's , and opinions of others.
You must stand always in your integrity and live by the values you deem important.
Your mother refuses to see the truth and the others are truly thinking that they are loving and supporting her by also ignoring the truth.
They do not have the strength to stand up for themselves as you do, and they have always taken comfort in denying the truth.
This is not your way. You have come from a genuine place of Love. You have tried to elicit a change for the better, but it will not come. Your words to your mother were direct and honest but she will remember only what is useful to use against you.
These people are in fear, not love. But your presence will not make them shine, it will only succeed in drowning out your light if you socialize with them.
Don't give in. have faith, don't get hooked into their dramas. You have acted accordingly and authentically and you have no one to answer to.
(eldest son) has given you the best gift. He has released you from the pressure of guilt and all will work out for the Highest and Best interest of all involved.
Your life is always Divinely guided by God, and there is Harmony, peace, love and understanding between you and all concerned. God's cosmic wisdom will reveal the way.
I love you, Katie
( I often write letters to my personal self from my Higher self)
It should be noted that many of the wounds and dramas of my family dynamic have changed. They haven't disappeared per se, but my investment in them has changed. I honored the advice my sweet child gave me that day; and I stepped away from the energy to heal myself. It made all the difference, and now I can step into the same situations with different eyes; eyes of understanding and compassion. I can observe and feel, but I don't get hooked into the judgment of it any longer. It was, and continues to be the greatest lesson for me to remember.Thank you God. Thank you eldest son.
Faith IS going cold turkey. And so it is.
Katie
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