I felt compelled to go through some old journals and poetry today.
My day started with a disruption of energy that subsequently launched a series of events to ultimately guide me to where I am now. Physically, metaphorically, allegorically and emotionally.
I have been feeling off my game lately. Nothing huge, just some peripheral stuff that seems to erupt in the strangest places and times.
I realize now; that it is a mourning process that I am going through.
The mourning involves separating myself from the duality and (ironically) separation consciousness of the world; and living in Divine Reality.
We use the word harmony to describe a quality or feeling that will be a result of being in unison or agreement with something that we previously thought of as being in opposition.
To want to BEcome in harmony with something, is to suggest that it was out of harmony.
But isn't that a duality too??
The Divine Reality is that we are not; and never have been out of Harmony.
That is the separation we have all been conditioned to believe; and I don't believe it any more.
So what is the impetus behind the mourning?? It is bittersweet. I know that what lays ahead for humanity is unprecedented and glorious for the ones who choose to embrace the new Divine Reality; but everyone is taking the journey at their own pace and choosing.
What I mourn is the fact that ultimately some people will fade from my life. This is not my choosing but inevitable. Like attracts like, and sometimes people aren't at the same level of growth and understanding. It makes it difficult to maintain relationships. It is just part of what happens as new energies for growth come into your life; others sometimes fade away. It is always an ebb and flow.
The disruption of energy this morning highlighted that. My son engaged me in a conversation which ultimately revealed itself to be test for me. At one point he actually said " well, you're going to have to change the way you think... I don't know how you get on in the world thinking like that". It drove home the fact that I have spent a great portion of my life undoing the very thing I was told I needed to DO; which is think like everyone else.. sorry, been there, done that , got the T-shirt.
So for now I feel like I am on the precipice of a cliff; hanging on to the fingertips of the last vestiges of the me that was.... the grip is getting weaker and weaker, and soon that part of me will slip away forever.
This is a poem I wrote at the tender age of nineteen; eyes open and likewise uncertain of the future. When I sift through the archives of my body and feel all the memories of what has transpired between then and now; I smile.
I am so freakin proud of myself for demonstrating the strength, tenacity and perseverance to stand in my Truth all these years. Thank you God. For everything. And so it is.
Is it time for me to grow up yet?
Is it time for me to open these eyes so unworldly;
so unsophisticated; so naive?
Must I at this point focus them to see what must be realized?
If so;
I am frightened.
Not of the prospects of facing this ignorant world
and it's strategies;
But of facing them on my own.
Without someone giving me a kind word of accomplishment,
or a generous boost of my ego.
There will be no one to tell me kind lies to cover the disappointments and give me hope.
I will have only my own evaluation of what I am capable of,
and I must follow my heart and learn to be strong.
I know I can do it. I AM strong. I AM me.
But dear Lord please guide me because I am so frightened.
He guided me then, and still guides me now.
All that has transpired in between then and now, was in place to make me understand and know; beyond a shadow of a doubt, that all is Divine. This journey is an infinity loop of endless switchbacks and fusions of past, present and future. Nothing is out of harmony ever, and all has reason and purpose.
Namaste,
Katie
The mourning involves separating myself from the duality and (ironically) separation consciousness of the world; and living in Divine Reality.
We use the word harmony to describe a quality or feeling that will be a result of being in unison or agreement with something that we previously thought of as being in opposition.
To want to BEcome in harmony with something, is to suggest that it was out of harmony.
But isn't that a duality too??
The Divine Reality is that we are not; and never have been out of Harmony.
That is the separation we have all been conditioned to believe; and I don't believe it any more.
So what is the impetus behind the mourning?? It is bittersweet. I know that what lays ahead for humanity is unprecedented and glorious for the ones who choose to embrace the new Divine Reality; but everyone is taking the journey at their own pace and choosing.
What I mourn is the fact that ultimately some people will fade from my life. This is not my choosing but inevitable. Like attracts like, and sometimes people aren't at the same level of growth and understanding. It makes it difficult to maintain relationships. It is just part of what happens as new energies for growth come into your life; others sometimes fade away. It is always an ebb and flow.
The disruption of energy this morning highlighted that. My son engaged me in a conversation which ultimately revealed itself to be test for me. At one point he actually said " well, you're going to have to change the way you think... I don't know how you get on in the world thinking like that". It drove home the fact that I have spent a great portion of my life undoing the very thing I was told I needed to DO; which is think like everyone else.. sorry, been there, done that , got the T-shirt.
So for now I feel like I am on the precipice of a cliff; hanging on to the fingertips of the last vestiges of the me that was.... the grip is getting weaker and weaker, and soon that part of me will slip away forever.
This is a poem I wrote at the tender age of nineteen; eyes open and likewise uncertain of the future. When I sift through the archives of my body and feel all the memories of what has transpired between then and now; I smile.
I am so freakin proud of myself for demonstrating the strength, tenacity and perseverance to stand in my Truth all these years. Thank you God. For everything. And so it is.
Is it time for me to grow up yet?
Is it time for me to open these eyes so unworldly;
so unsophisticated; so naive?
Must I at this point focus them to see what must be realized?
If so;
I am frightened.
Not of the prospects of facing this ignorant world
and it's strategies;
But of facing them on my own.
Without someone giving me a kind word of accomplishment,
or a generous boost of my ego.
There will be no one to tell me kind lies to cover the disappointments and give me hope.
I will have only my own evaluation of what I am capable of,
and I must follow my heart and learn to be strong.
I know I can do it. I AM strong. I AM me.
But dear Lord please guide me because I am so frightened.
He guided me then, and still guides me now.
All that has transpired in between then and now, was in place to make me understand and know; beyond a shadow of a doubt, that all is Divine. This journey is an infinity loop of endless switchbacks and fusions of past, present and future. Nothing is out of harmony ever, and all has reason and purpose.
Namaste,
Katie
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